So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sex in a hospital.. check
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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