Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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