hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
