dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
