We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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