My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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