God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i out mim tonsoeep
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