They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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