you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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