remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
this is an emotional support booty call
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
