Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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