boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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