I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
