Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
