i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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