Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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