While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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