My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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