sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
