There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
