She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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