you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
