Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
