i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
