And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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