We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
