I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
