I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
