this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
