you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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