I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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