He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Help. Why am I so naked?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
