before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
