Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
