I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i need some magic done to my vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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