The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
