I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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