i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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