My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
