i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
