dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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