Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
