she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
