Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
