My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
