I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
