I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
