Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
