I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Operation Purity has been aborted
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
