You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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